Personal Bible Study: Transforming into God’s Proverbs 31 Woman
Have you ever felt imposter syndrome so intensely that you wanted to quit before you even started?
I feel like that sometimes when reading about the Proverbs 31 woman.
In the midst of “bringing her food from far away” (v. 14), “ris[ing] while it is still night” and “providing food for her household” (v. 15), never letting “her lamp . . . [go] out at night” (v. 18), ensuring “all in her household are doubly clothed” (v. 21), “laugh[ing] at the time to come” (v. 25) and more, the Proverbs 31 woman can feel like such a far cry from our realities.
In return, we find ourselves asking the question, “How am I supposed to measure up to the Proverbs 31 woman?”
If you’ve asked this, then you’re not alone! The answer, though, might lie in another book of the Bible altogether:
“Give, and it will be given to you; a good measure—pressed down, shaken together, and running over—will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.” —Luke 6:38
Perhaps, instead of believing it impossible to measure up to the Proverbs 31 woman, we should simply aim to be more like Christ. And through the process, God will not only dole out back to us measures of Christlikeness—“pressed down, shaken together, and running over”—but measures of the Proverbs 31 woman, also.
In other words: we measure up to the Proverbs 31 woman when we seek Christ and live to become more like Him, day after day.
Transforming Into God’s Version of the Proverbs 31 Woman
The passage of the Proverbs 31 woman begins with this: “Who can find a wife of noble character? She is far more precious than jewels” (v. 10).
By seeking Christ and choosing each day to become more like Him, He will in return gift us with more Christlikeness. He will also mold and shape within us the characteristics and qualities of His Proverbs 31 woman. These qualities far outweigh the most precious of jewels.
Let’s dive into what some of these dazzling jewels of character look like!
Jewel #1: She Fears the Lord.
“Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.”
When I bought my current office desk off Wayfair, it took me the better part of an hour to piece together each shelf, screw, and bar.
As the daughter of a carpenter, I often toss aside instruction manuals and dive right into the building process. “I know what I’m doing,” I confidently state to myself.
But sometimes I use the wrong type of screw or put something together backwards, and what is supposed to be an easy 30-minute installation instead becomes an hour (or hour and a half . . . ) ordeal. I forget, in my bloated pride and assured confidence, that I am not my father.
Friend, we are not our Heavenly Father.
We cannot design things perfectly, know every step of the building process, and complete things within its allotted time frame. That’s why someone has to sit down and write an instruction manual to help us figure out the process and piece the project together.
So when it comes to designing our character and lifestyles based on the Proverbs 31 woman, let God build for you.
It’s essential that we understand we cannot do it ourselves. We must depend on our Father and read His instruction manual He has sat down and written for us: the Bible.
Spend time with God daily. He is your source of knowledge, wisdom, and love (Proverbs 1:7). He will guide you in all things good.
The Proverbs 31 woman consistently fears the Lord. She sits down and spends time talking with Him and reading His Word daily.
It’s as simple and amazing as that!
Jewel #2: She Proves She Is Trustworthy.
“The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will not lack anything good.”
One of my favorite characters in the Bible right now is Joseph.
For the past few months, God has been teaching me many new truths and perspectives packed into Genesis 37-50 that I haven’t seen before. Some of these have given me a new understanding and appreciation for Joseph, especially when it comes to his trustworthiness.
“[Potiphar] left all that he owned under Joseph’s authority; he did not concern himself with anything except the food he ate.” —Genesis 39:6a
Potiphar worried for nothing when Joseph was the head of his household. I picture Potiphar stretched out on his lounge chair, snacking from a silver platter and watching some sports entertainment in his backyard while Joseph is working hard within Potiphar’s house to make sure everything is functioning smoothly.
That’s a pretty sweet deal to be able to concern yourself with no responsibilities and instead enjoy the pleasures given to you!
The Proverbs 31 woman fulfills a similar role to Joseph: they both manage their households.
In Proverbs 31, we see the woman aim to anticipate needs, protect her family from lacking anything good, and provide for the people both living within and outside her household. She does this so well that her family concerns themselves with no doubts of receiving anything bad while she is in charge.
Her husband and children are just like Pharaoh–only concerning themselves with enjoying their food.
Now, this is NOT a justified excuse for overworking yourself to the point of exhaustion by fulfilling every chore and responsibility within your house. Nor is this a commentary on how gender roles should be split within the household.
This is, instead, a call for biblical womanhood to be one of loving others so well that they never doubt our love for them, nor the good that comes out of that love.
No matter if you are single, dating, married, or widowed, the virtues in Proverbs 31:11 apply to you. Ask yourself: do you treat and take care of the people in your life so well that they trust you to always give them good—and nothing bad?
Are you trustworthy?
Jewel #3: She Observes Her Household.
“She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle.”
I love looking up the original meaning of Hebrew and Greek words in the Bible. The Holy Spirit always reveals a new nugget of truth in the verse when I take the time to look up the original meanings.
Fun fact: the Hebrew word for “watches” in this verse also means to observe or to keep an eye on.
According to the dictionary, “observe” can mean many things: fulfilling or complying with, abiding by, honoring, respecting, maintaining, participating, celebrating, and acknowledging.
The Proverbs 31 woman isn’t just noticing things in her household and writing them down whenever she observes them. She is acting on them. She is fulfilling, participating in, abiding in, and maintaining these things she observes. From “see[ing] that her profits are good” (v. 18) to “not [being] afraid for her household when it snows, for all in her household are doubly clothed” (v. 21), the Proverbs 31 woman is active in observing the needs of her household and then meeting those needs.
Reading about these qualities in Proverbs 31, however, often quickly leaves us frazzled and exhausted. How can we constantly keep up with everything that is going on in our household?
The answer: a truth Jesus uttered in the story of Martha and Mary from Luke 10:38-42.
When Martha invited Jesus into her household, she started hustling and bustling to get everything perfect for Him. She wanted the Pinterest-worthy dining table, bedecked with home-cooked meals and personally-poured drinks that she could snap a picture of to document on Instagram later.
Martha was running around and doing all the things while over in the living room was Mary. Mary was simply chilling at Jesus’s feet.
“ ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to serve alone? So tell her to give me a hand.’
“The Lord answered her, ‘Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has made the right choice, and it will not be taken away from her.’ (Luke 10:40-42).”
The Proverbs 31 woman is not Martha. And if we’re honest with ourselves, we probably tend to mirror Martha rather than parallel the Proverbs 31 woman. Martha arguably noticed too much in her household . . . and it distracted her from “the right choice,” which was literally Jesus sitting in her living room. Can you even imagine?!
There are two truths here that God wants you to remember and to store away in your heart.
Spending time being still and listening to Jesus will always be a priority over your to-do list.
Idleness is not the opposite of busyness. It’s okay to rest. God Himself (the Creator Who never gets tired at all) rested on the seventh day after building the entire universe. If your Almighty God can rest after six days of creating and maintaining, you can rest after six days of maintaining your household, too.
To be a Proverbs 31 woman, you must be a Mary cherishing time with her Savior. Not a Martha prioritizing her Pinterest-worthy house and productivity.
Jewel #4: She Stewards God’s Resources.
“She evaluates a field and buys it; she plants a vineyard with her earnings . . . She sees that her profits are good.”
To steward something means to manage something.
Adam and Eve were charged as stewards when God commanded them to, “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it” (Genesis 1:28). Joseph was charged as a steward of Potiphar’s household, of the prisoners in his block of cells, and finally of Pharaoh’s government and agricultural industry. Mary and Joseph were charged as stewards of God’s precious and only Son, Jesus.
The Proverbs 31 woman is no different.
She is called to steward each and every resource that God has gifted her: her faith, her body, her marriage, her motherhood, her homestead, her finances, and her character.
She aims to manage each and every one well.
To steward her faith, she “fears the Lord” (v. 30). You will find her with her Bible first thing open in the morning and the last thing she reads at night. She constantly converses with God during the day, seeking His word and casting her cares upon Him. She jams to worship music in the car and in the shower. She values and prioritizes her relationship with God above all others.
To steward her body, she “draws on her strength and reveals that her arms are strong” (v.17). Which means she’s in the gym working her upper body (core and lower body, too) so that, in turn, she can be strong for those she needs to hold and comfort. And when her mortal strength fails (because it will), she draws on the strength of her Father God.
To steward her marriage, she “rewards [her husband] with good, not evil, all the days of her life” (v. 12). She ensures that her husband can trust her completely. She proves to him, without a shadow of a doubt, that she will be a source of God’s goodness for him always. In turn, he provides for, protects, and leads his woman who has proven to be a wife of noble character.
To steward her motherhood, she “provides food for her household” and ensures “all in her household are doubly clothed,” so that “her children rise up and call her blessed” (v. 15, 21, 28). She loves and cares for her children by feeding them, clothing them, and creating a cozy nest that they can call home.
To steward her homestead, she “is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from far away,” “makes her own bed coverings,” and she clothes herself with “fine linen and purple” (v. 14, 22). She knows that her homestead is where her family thrives, so she works diligently to prepare and maintain its daily functions. She makes sure her homestead is sufficient and comfortable for her loved ones.
To steward her finances, she “selects wool and flax and works with willing hands,” “extends her hands to the spinning staff . . . hold[ing her hands to] the spindle,” “makes and sells linen garments [and] delivers belts to the merchants,” “evaluates a field and buys it,” “plants a vineyard with her earnings,” and “sees that her profits are good” (v. 13, 14, 16, 18, 19, 24). This is a woman who understands that multiple incomes equal diverse ways to ensure her husband, children, and homestead are sufficiently provided for. This is a woman who seeks out ways to understand her finances and seeks God’s wisdom for stewarding it in a multiplying manner (for more context on a godly financial mindset, check out Matthew 25:14-30).
To steward her character, “her hands reach out to the poor, and she extends her hands to the needy” (v. 20). She also clothes herself with “strength and honor . . . and she can laugh at the time to come” (v. 25). She “speaks wisdom, and loving instruction is on her tongue” (v. 26). This is a woman who recognizes that she has a responsibility to steward a character that reflects the goodness, wisdom, love, and generosity of her Father God. So with every word and action, she aims to mirror God’s character within her own.
In all of these areas, the Proverbs 31 woman recognizes that her resources are gifts from God. Everything she owns—her faith, body, marriage, motherhood, homestead, finances, character, and even her talents—are gifts from God. And as any wise and faithful steward would do, she aims to manage them well.
God Wants You to Remember This
Do you ever set out to read something and end up just staring blankly at the page because the reputation of what you’re reading keeps you from actually reading it?
That’s how I feel when reading about the Proverbs 31 woman. And if I’m being truthful and transparent, too—it’s how I felt while writing this.
I know the passage. I’ve read it innumerable times. God has taught me something wonderful and exciting and sincere every time I’ve read it.
Yet . . . even in my re-readings and my writings on the things God has taught me within this passage of Scripture, I find that there’s still many differences between the Proverbs 31 woman and me. There always seems to be another thing I’m supposed to do that I’m not doing. Here is a woman of quality, and I’m just doing all I can to survive the day!
I feel pressure where there should be peace. Overwhelm where there should be ordinance. Insecurity where there should be intentionality. Sorrow where there should be strength.
And then the Holy Spirit stopped me in my pity party one day and exclaimed: “it’s God Who molds you into the Proverbs 31 woman.”
Not me. Or this “boss girl/hustle and grind” culture.
God molds me into the shape of His Proverbs 31 woman. And there’s peace, ordinance, intentionality, and strength in that.
And I’m relieved. 🙂
Daughter of God, even if reading Proverbs 31 or this Bible study has made you feel insecure and inadequate . . . God wants you to know three things:
You are His Daughter (1 John 3:1).
Have hope and be strong and courageous: He is not done with you yet (Philippians 1:6)!
He loves you, and nothing you can (or cannot) do will ever separate you from Him (Romans 8:31-39)!
And finally: whenever those insecurities and inadequacies start to creep into your mind again, remember this.
If you seek God first, He will mold you into His Proverbs 31 woman. ❤️
